Self-Criticism – An unwanted ingredient in motherhood

Every individual undergoes different phases in their lifetime, however, the phase of entering motherhood is a miracle on its own. Its intriguing how beautifully a life is grown inside a woman’s womb. I believe that’s the reason people say that – “No one can know their child better than one’s mother”. It’s absolutely true, but at times this sentence leads to mothers being trapped in a vicious circle of self-criticism.

It’s said that a child starts adapting and inculcating habits from their parents from the womb itself. Right from pregnancy, a mother begins to consciously follow the routine and behavior which she wants her child to adapt. However, we live in a society where people have not-so-constructive criticisms for the way you are handling and raising your child. This brings about a sense of failure in the minds of mothers, making them believe that they are not doing right by their child, yet that is wrong. Mothers should feel proud for making their child a better version of themselves.

All of us would have seen mothers around us taking whole and sole responsibility of the child’s wrong doing? Yes, one major reason for that is the society around us which always says, “His/her mother didn’t raise her child in the right manner”. Consequently, mothers have also made a conclusion in their mind that they are the ones responsible for it. But why? When a child is born, two individuals get the designation of parents. Then, why doesn’t anyone understand (including mothers) that it should be a combined effort? Hence, rather than taking the entire burden which leads to inefficiency, both parents should decide on working towards the betterment of their child.

In 21st century, things have changed quite a lot. Women are participants in the workforce, outside the domestic space. Yet, as soon a woman starts working, questions are raised as to how will she manage once she has a child or who will take care of her child once she is in office, etc. Ironically, the same question never pops up when it comes to man. This leads to a sense of guilt in the mothers if they put their mind to anything except their child. Rather, every mother should have the liberty to lead her life as she wishes keeping in mind her child’s welfare.

Nowadays, comparison is another factor that leads to self-doubt. Mothers should be cognizant of the fact that every individual is unique in terms of their skills, abilities and pace of progress. Hence, comparison will only pull them backwards. Also, it is imperative that parents (mother and father) understand that it isn’t the case that there is no redemption if they lose. It’s a journey where there would be highs and lows, what really matters is the courage to fight against the lows.

Whenever any mother feels that she is not doing enough for her child, she should ask herself –

“Did my mother do the best for me?”

I am 100% sure that the answer would be “yes”. Being a mother comes with its own set of challenges and doubts, but one should embrace the journey and enjoy the imperfections that come with motherhood.

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